"Confessing" is for losers. Seriously. It is the
lamest way of letting a girl know you like her, and it is not very effective.
Here's why:
- You're giving up all control over the outcome. All the
power is now in her hands to either say yes or no. There's nothing you can do
about it anymore.
- You're putting unnecessary pressure on her. Suddenly she
has to decide then and there how she feels about you, when she may not even be
sure herself yet. And she may be afraid of hurting you if she says no. It's not
fair to put her in such a position.
- You're asking her to love you back. You don't ask for
love. You offer it, and if she accepts, she will offer hers in return.
- You're setting up an unrealistic expectation. Since you
asked for her love, she will tend to see you as someone who always has to earn
it. She will see herself as a princess to you, because you played the role of a
beggar to her.
- You're creating the impression that you're ashamed to have
feelings for her. Because that's what a confession is - an admission of guilt
or wrongdoing.
- You're making a huge dramatic moment out something very
small. Liking a girl is ultimately a small thing.
Those last two points are perhaps the most important to
understand. Just because you've met a girl whom you have the hots for, doesn't
mean she's The One OMG!!!11 And wanting to date her doesn't mean you're asking
her to promise to marry you ASAP. If you're thinking this way, then of course
you're ashamed to admit you like her, because you're expecting far more than
she can realistically give. You're probably doing all you can to keep your
feelings secret from her and everyone else like a lovesick schoolboy.
Stop being a lovesick schoolboy. Mature adults are not
ashamed of their feelings. Whether you've fallen head over heels for her, or
you just think she's really really pretty, you should not be afraid to show it
- to her. And you can show it in a way that flatters her, that makes her feel
desired, and that does not make her uncomfortable.
1) Eye contact.
You know how two people tend to not look each other in the eye for too long?
That there's usually a time limit before both people look away? Well, if you
like this girl, maintain eye contact just a little longer than the time limit.
Look at her just a little longer than necessary. Then give her a little smile
before looking away. Don't stare, don't glue your eyes to her all the time.
Just don't be afraid to show that you like looking at her. smile.gif
2) Make her laugh.
It's one thing to get her to talk comfortably with you. It's another thing for
her to enjoy talking to you, so much so that she remembers how much she enjoys
talking to you. Be at your wittiest and most charming, put some effort into
making her laugh. Don't be too shy to say something like, "Hey, wanna hear
a joke?" Then tell her a dozen jokes, one after another. Let her know that
you're purposely trying to make her happy.
3) Remember the
things she says. Listen to what she has to say, then show her that you
listened. If she mentioned her dog Poochie, greet her with "Hi, how's
Poochie?" the next time you see her. If she mentioned she has trouble
sleeping, ask her if she slept well the next day. If she likes a certain TV
show, find out when the show airs, then ask her how was last night's episode
the next day. Better yet, watch the show, so that you can talk about it with
her. You can even tell her you didn't like the show - the fact that you watched
it just because of her is flattering enough.
4) Physical
proximity/contact. This is a tricky one, so be very careful. Position
yourself closer to her - not too close, but a little closer than normal. You
know the distance between friends, and the distance between bf and gf? You want
to be exactly halfway in-between. (And better make sure you're wearing
deodorant!) Similarly, give her a little touch every now and then, but be
careful. Touch her shoulder when you want to get her attention. When talking to
her, pat her on her arm to emphasize a point; if you've gotten close enough to
her, you can try her thigh. When walking together, put your hand on the small
of her back to guide her in a different direction. Just don't let your hand
linger there too long.
You know what's the best thing about all these? They are
measurable. Meaning, you will know instantly whether or not they're working. If
she likes you, she will return the eye contact with you; she will laugh at all
your jokes; she will appreciate the fact that you remember things about her;
she will stand close to you, and she will touch you. If she doesn't, then
you'll know she's not interested. By doing these things, you're not only
showing her you like her, you're also giving her the option of gently rejecting
you - or subtly encouraging you.
And if you're getting all the right signals from her, it's
time to move on to:
5) Ask her out.
Just you and her. None of the rest of your gang. Nobody else. Yes, it's a date.
It could be a movie, it could be a drink at a coffee place, or if you're really
confident, it could be dinner at a nice restaurant. Don't treat it as if it's a
big deal, as if by saying yes she'll be making a big commitment to you. Keep
this in mind if she's reluctant - say, "Hey, it's just a
movie/coffee/dinner, I'm not asking you to marry me laa."
And after you do all this, after you've got the date... then
what?
Then you just let it happen naturally. And believe me, if
you've gotten this far and the girl has been showing all the signs of liking
you, it will happen naturally. Which may be a surprise if you've always thought
that tackling a girl is a long, gruelling, agonizingly difficult task that
involves a "confession". You may be surprised at how easy it was.
Which is as it should be. (And don't give me that "if it's easy to get,
you won't appreciate" nonsense.
shakehead.gif ) If a guy and a girl like each other, they should fall
into a relationship easily.
This is how mature adults do it. And even if you are a
lovesick schoolboy, you should still do it this way. Because it's the right way
to do it.
Note: these are not 5 steps. They're only arranged in that
order from most to least daring, but you don't need to follow the order -
except that if you want her to say yes to no. 5, you should've gotten good
responses to nos. 1-4 first. No. 3 obviously only works from the second time
you see her onwards, but if you're getting signals from her during your very
first meeting, then by all means ask her out there and then. They're not 5
steps, they're 5 ways.
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